Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. Job 42:6
One day you will abhor or hate yourself. I am not saying that you will hate your life or the conditions of it, but that you will actually hate yourself. One day, when you stand in the presence of your great Creator, King, Lord and Savior, you, like Job, will see him with your eyes. It is then that you will completely understand all the workings of God and what he was trying to accomplish in and through you. You will see with great clarity the error of your thoughts, how your frustration and worry were unnecessary and how each time you either balked against God or tried to solve your own problems in life had thwarted his plan and set back what he was trying to gain with you. You will hate you. It all will happen when you see him.
Isaiah saw him high and lifted up and because of it, he was speechless and recognized how unclean he really was (Isaiah 6:1-5). In God's presence is glory and all that he is and is doing will be revealed. And you shall stand in awe and utterly hate the sinfulness of yourself.
However, we don't need to wait until death to gain this perspective of ourselves and God. If we fall down before him in submission and wholly seek his face, he will be found. We will not see him as we will in heaven, but he will manifest himself to us in a super natural way. When he does, you, like Job, will hate yourself or at least your wickedness. This was the turning point for Job. It was then that God brought the end to his trial, exalted him before his accusers, used him in intercessory work for others and then eventually blessed his life.
As much as we may think and greatly desire for our trial to come to an end, we more so need to have our spiritual eyes opened and see God. It is then that we will gain that for which we have been hungering and longing.
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